Written by Joy McSmythurs
I would say that I have a good, strong and faithful marriage. This year is our 20th anniversary, but time is an interesting and sometimes fickle influencer. A long marriage means you know each other better and grow together, but you can also succumb to taking each other for granted, not in a bad way - but making casual assumptions that come with routine.
My husband and I were married in 2004. It was not the first wedding for either of us and we were not regular churchgoers, so we decided to get married in a registry office. To make it romantic, we opted for Valentine’s Day. So far so good, but then my husband-to-be spilt boiling coffee on his foot and ended up in the hospital burns unit. I spent Valentine’s night with my prospective mother-in-law, surrounded by the wedding flowers and left my husband in the ward, wearing his buttonhole, in great pain. We managed to get a later wedding date, fortunately before the wedding cake was beyond its best-before date!
Our marriage has had ups and downs, with ill health and work stresses, but in 2018 we retired and moved to Devon. The local church has become a big part of our lives and, for me particularly, my faith has deepened considerably over the years.
We had been talking about having a blessing for our marriage for a couple of years, and the timing came into focus when we discovered that our wonderful vicar was moving away from the area.
For us, it was about the two of us being thankful for our life together and looking forward to the years ahead; we did not want to have guests, but simply focus on each other and our relationship with God.
So, on a beautiful sunny afternoon in July we walked to the church with our spaniel, and were met at the door by our vicar.
I had already put flowers from our garden in the church and it was beautiful. Our vicar had prepared orders of service for us, and we followed him up the aisle.
We renewed our vows, and as we looked into each other’s eyes, holding hands and touching wedding rings the words were perfect:
…all that I am I give to you,
And all that I have I share with you,
Within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
We knelt at the altar rail praying together, our spaniel sitting between us: ‘that we may grow together in love and peace all the days of our life.’
The vicar blessed us, and truly we felt so blessed.
The blessing of our wedding and renewal of vows is one of the hardest experiences to try and describe. I have always considered myself to have a good marriage, but to know it is now blessed by God anew, and that he has witnessed our commitment to each other has strengthened us.
We prayed that we would grow together and indeed our prayers are being answered. Our blessing has already made us take more time together, be more patient with each other, we really do count our blessings every day.
Find out more about renewing your vows
It is possible to renew your wedding vows after your wedding day, regardless of whether you had a church wedding or not. Vow renewals can take place to mark a special anniversary, or even after a difficult period in marriage.
Vow renewals can be intimate services, with few or no guests, or they can be filled with friends and families. It is possible to have the service in a church of your choice, as long as the church and the vicar is free.
There are no statutory legal fees for a vow renewal, however there might be some costs for the service, which could include covering the use of the building, or any additional extras such as an organist, flowers, or help of a verger. If you are interested in renewing your vows, please contact your local church to discuss the best option for you.
Joy volunteers in our Devon Church Weddings team. She is passionate about supporting couples through preparing for their special day through her role as Churchwarden at Marystowe Church.
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